Christmas...

Red, gold, green. Candles. The smell of the tree when I first wake up. Squinting at fairy lights so they blend into one another, lying on my back under the tree looking up into the branches and lights. Rich's face as he can hardly bear the thought of having to wait until Christmas day to unwrap gifts. Christmas spirit, people saying hello as they pass by. Bucks fizz for breakfast. The build up. Counting sleeps, making plans, hugging yourself with delight at the thought of a loved one opening a gift you KNOW they'll buzz off. Hearing kids talk to their parents about what exactly they intend to leave out for santa (why did we not have reindeer food with fairy sparkles when we were little?), nativity plays, the sheer thrill that coarses through my veins whenever I think of the festive season, santy hats only a pound, reindeer antlers in the pub, catching up with old friends, The Annual Secret Santy Balti - now a time-honoured tradition in Bebington, the Chair of Cheer, Chris Jack pretending to be a grinch but secretly loving it, being off work, all being right with the world, watching the Grinch on Christmas Eve with my hubby, trying not to wake up at 6am on Christmas morning (I lasted until 8:45am this year!), trying not to be sick with too much excitement, wandering through the Village and looking at people's trees all lit up in the windows, wintery weather, walks, scarves , hats and gloves, having G7T's in the middle of the day, tick tock tick tock, counting down the Christmas clock. You'll shoot your eye out kid! Blast this Christmas music...it's joyful and triumphant! Christmas movies, playing with your gifts on Boxing Day, buffets, turkey sandwiches, family time, good will toward men, peace on earth, reason for the season, the Liverpool Nativity. All round feel good factor. Christmas is here! God Bless us, every one.

ARGH!!!!!!

It's DECEMBERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!! WOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Church sucks

A strong statement peut etre but nontheless accurate and sadly true. I went, on Sunday night, after a 5 month hiatus (sp?) fully expecting to be moved to my very core, non-cynical and entirely non-judgemental. Hmmm, needless to say this did not happen. I am so confused as to whether this is merely a question of style - that the whole C of E vibe is just not for me - or whether it really IS dead as a dodo. People seemed to be getting into it, all very enthusiastic about SAMS Sunday which fraankly I could not find a spark of passion for....I mean, 'missions' abroad are amazing, if that's your calling but all I could think/feel/pray was an enormous heart cry of WHAT ABOUT FREAKIN BEBINGTON!!!!?? On the Wirral we have THE poorest ward per capita in Europe AND the RICHEST ward per capita! This peninsula has a dual personality, a yin and yan, a black and white, and it is so bloody obvious....We have a wonderful, perfect 1000 year old church building with enormous potential, our motto is 'Connecting the community to Christ' and yet it feels as if that's all it is. A building. Cold, draughty. Void of the love of Jesus. And I KNOW that the people who go there love God, I know they love their community but i can't help thinking that they love only tose who it's 'acceptable' in white, middle class surburbia TO help...ie the odd single mum and anyone who's up for a spot of 'christian counselling' (bleug!) or an evangelistic fish and chip supper. OH MY WORD IT'S ALL SOOOOOOOOOOOO ARCHAIC! The talk on sunday was begun by chatting about 'degenerate families who go on jeremy kyle' and I almost cried out - THOSE ARE THE KINDS OF FAMILIES WHO LIVE NEAR HERE! THOSE ARE THE KINDS OF FAMILIES WHO NEED US MOST! Not the frickin Christmas Craft sale or carolling by Waitrose...good GRIEF! Needless to say the talk did NOT get any better.

So, yet again I am frustrated, angry, let down, disappointed, fed up, cheesed off by this building we call 'church'! Why the hell did everyone stress on me so much about not having been there for 5 months? I feel as if I am loved more, supported more, challenged and moved on more by those people I meet through work or indeed my so-labelled 'non Christian' friends. I don' get it God, how do I fit into this??!!

SO there you go...rant over...

Autumn days when the grass is jewelled...

I can smell it. I can feel it. It's on the way. It's almost here....AUTUMN! It's the slight chill in the air, the way the light looks at 3pm, the way I caved not half an hour ago and stuck the heating on. It's being excited about the leather gloves with a button at the wrist in a lovely, steely grey - much like the Tin Man's hands - and winter coats and hats. It's seeing brilliant sunshine and yet still having a red nose. It's being in House of Fraser and standing 'in Christmas' - the section full of cards and candy and baubles and reds, holly greens, silver, gold. It's buying the early season tangerines in Asda, green on the outside but oh-so Christmassy in the middle. It's socks in bed, leaves on the turn, red starbucks cups, talk of Christmas 'do's'. It's how if I don't dry my hair properly in the morning, by the time I get to work it's frozen at the ends. It's the crisp, cold, snappy, dry, tingly, thrilling, new, red, gold, crunchy, conkery,woolly tights, winter boot vibe of the autumnal season as it draws on apace.

My most favourite time of year.

I can't wait.

September

Here we are. A new month. A new season. And it feels like a new season. I don't mean in weather terms. I feel...stagnated, impatient, eager, keen, searching, hungry, yearning...but for what I don't yet know. Something is just out of my grasp, just about to appear on the horizon, when I see it, I'll know, but until then I'm fumbling in the dark. Things are changing. Suddenly the world seems like a big place again. The world isn't so much focused on Merseyside for me anymore. I ask myself why this is. People are moving, relationships are evolving. Abbi and Chris now live on the South Coast. Emm will shortly be in London. 3 extremely key relationships have shifted, and both Rich and I are having to adjust to that, it creates, or rather precipitates change. Change is necessary. Change is good. But sometimes it sucks. Things that both Rich and I relied on other people for we are now coming to rely on one another for, thus we as a unit are tighter and closer than ever, which is good. Manchester no longer feels so far away when once upon a time it really did. My perspective is shifting. Life seems too short and precious to waste worrying about mortgages and weight watchers and pension plans and job security and housing markets and accruing more annual leave through years of service..and yet the practical aspect of me that refuses to give up the ghost shouts louder...I don't know what it is I'm feeling....not discontent, not unhappiness, but perhaps a sense of there's still more to come. There's a plan, of that I feel certain. But as to what it is, I currently have no clue.

I have taken a break from my current Harlan Coben serial killer novel obsession to re-read Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince in preparation for July 21st; the day I can finally get my mitts on the 7th and final HP book - the one that will tie up all loose ends, amd finally let us know the truth!

I have adored each and everyone of the Harry books and whilst I can't wait to find out what happens (even if Harry kills himself), I also cannot help feeling like I want to delay this time so the magic doesn't end! Then paradoxically I know I willl speed-read the book just to avoid being told by some loser hell bent on spoiling it for everyone!

Now I realise not everyone will share the Harry passion, but during some blog browsing I did come across some very cool musings and ponderings, speculating about what will happen - so I've cut and pasted it off that particular blog - with acknowledgement to Carla Harding!

See below:


Prediction 1We will find out what happened in the 24hours between the Potter's death and Harry's injury and Dumbledore's delivery of Harry to the Dursleys. My prediction is Harry will return to Godrick's Hollow and with a surviving time turner will return to the night of his parents death and have to watch without intervening so the future wasn't changed (ala Back to the Future) and then he'll meet with Dumbledore in the missing 24hours.
Prediction 2Harry's scar is a horcrux. If he is not a horcrux then he's something very closely connected which is how he has enjoyed so many of Voldemort's powers and insight into his mind. This does raise the ineresting point that Harry will have to kill him self, the ultimate sacrifice to completely destroy Voldemort.
Prediction 3Wormtail will sacrifice himself to save Harry to repay his life debt.
Prediction 4Snape is grey, both good and bad. He loved Harry's mother Lilliy but hated his father James. He isn't faithful to Voldemort or Dumbledore as he wants power for himself, but out of love for Lilly he will protect Harry, he may even be the one to murder Voldemort as Rowling has made murder the most horrendous thing anyone can do so does she really want her 17 year old hero to take a life?
Prediction 5Harry will go beyond the veil in the ministry of magic and will see Sirious.
Prediction 6Harry and Ginny will get married and have lots of babies, as will Ron and Hermione.
Only the book can prove me wrong. What are your theories?

HOW GOOD ARE THOSE THEORIES!!!! Ohhhhh I cannot wait!

Until next time... xx

It's FINALLY here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SHOW WEEK! Yes people, Seussical the Musical is ready to rock and roll! I am so excited and have been soooooooooooooooo busy with rehearsals and trying to do at least an iota of work to ensure I remain employed after the fact! Apologies for terrible lack of blogging, espesh to my overseas pals who must be wondering what has happened! (Sorry Tiff!!)

I'll be back with a proper update after this week of trippy madness is over....

Altogether now, "Oh the thinks you can think....when you think about Seuss!"