A strong statement peut etre but nontheless accurate and sadly true. I went, on Sunday night, after a 5 month hiatus (sp?) fully expecting to be moved to my very core, non-cynical and entirely non-judgemental. Hmmm, needless to say this did not happen. I am so confused as to whether this is merely a question of style - that the whole C of E vibe is just not for me - or whether it really IS dead as a dodo. People seemed to be getting into it, all very enthusiastic about SAMS Sunday which fraankly I could not find a spark of passion for....I mean, 'missions' abroad are amazing, if that's your calling but all I could think/feel/pray was an enormous heart cry of WHAT ABOUT FREAKIN BEBINGTON!!!!?? On the Wirral we have THE poorest ward per capita in Europe AND the RICHEST ward per capita! This peninsula has a dual personality, a yin and yan, a black and white, and it is so bloody obvious....We have a wonderful, perfect 1000 year old church building with enormous potential, our motto is 'Connecting the community to Christ' and yet it feels as if that's all it is. A building. Cold, draughty. Void of the love of Jesus. And I KNOW that the people who go there love God, I know they love their community but i can't help thinking that they love only tose who it's 'acceptable' in white, middle class surburbia TO help...ie the odd single mum and anyone who's up for a spot of 'christian counselling' (bleug!) or an evangelistic fish and chip supper. OH MY WORD IT'S ALL SOOOOOOOOOOOO ARCHAIC! The talk on sunday was begun by chatting about 'degenerate families who go on jeremy kyle' and I almost cried out - THOSE ARE THE KINDS OF FAMILIES WHO LIVE NEAR HERE! THOSE ARE THE KINDS OF FAMILIES WHO NEED US MOST! Not the frickin Christmas Craft sale or carolling by Waitrose...good GRIEF! Needless to say the talk did NOT get any better.
So, yet again I am frustrated, angry, let down, disappointed, fed up, cheesed off by this building we call 'church'! Why the hell did everyone stress on me so much about not having been there for 5 months? I feel as if I am loved more, supported more, challenged and moved on more by those people I meet through work or indeed my so-labelled 'non Christian' friends. I don' get it God, how do I fit into this??!!
SO there you go...rant over...
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4 comentarios:
Hey stranger, haven't checked your blog out in a while but this just hit a nerve with me.
As a 'non-christian' I've found it extremely hard to fit in around here and have found people (not all) are very into their own kind and like to think they help those in need, but every time I've tried to go to church, with an open mind, I've found it very hypocritical. Anyway, this message wasn't supposed to be about me. Really sorry that you're feeling this way, but I do know that you don't need to force how you feel and you will find your way again, whichever way it is, in your own time. Thinking of you xxx
Rant on Mcduff... Nuff said. xxx
You will find your spirituality again. I've been on hiatus too- since my dad died I've been like twice. I'm not angry at God for robbing me of my dad but my heart just hasn't been in it either. It's odd, really. I believe God looks at the intentions of your heart 1st. I jusy don't think God meant for religion to be so difficult. Maybe you just need a different church or to worship on your own?? Thinkin of you my favorite Englisher. Love ya.
Word to you butt head,
Sounds like you are doing just fine, keep exploring and trying to work out where you fit in and where the Church really is. Lots of Jesus, life and hope in the nooks and crannies of the Wirral!
Love
Wez
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