EN-GER-LAND!

In preparation for the World Cup I have been trying to make a serious effort to understand this whole football malarkey. Came across this, and I have been reliably informed by one of my most knowledgable about football friends, Mr Gary Kennaugh, that it is a pretty accurate description of the concept that often eludes most women: The Offside Rule.

He says "Now translate shop assistant for goalie, person in the queue as a defender and purse for ball and there you have it." Now read the following:

You're in a shoe shop, second in the queue for the till. Behind the shop assistant on the till is a pair of shoes which you have seen and which you must have. The female shopper in front of you has seen them also and is eyeing them with desire. Both of you have forgotten your purses. It would be totally rude to push in front of the first woman if you had no money to pay for the shoes. The shop assistant remains at the till waiting. Wait for it.
Your friend is trying on another pair of shoes at the back of the shop and sees your dilemma. She prepares to throw her purse to you. If she does so, you can catch the purse, then walk round the other shopper and buy the shoes. At a pinch she could throw the purse ahead of the other shopper and, *whilst it is in flight* you could nip around the other shopper, catch the purse and buy the shoes. Always remembering that until the purse had *actually been thrown* it would be plain wrong to be forward of the other shopper.

Good hey! Do you totally get it now?! In he words of Gary Kennaugh with acknowledegement to Rik Flair, "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"